Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
