Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
