Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
