I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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