woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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