"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
