I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
