Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
