Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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