I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
