it wasn't lemon gatorade
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
