we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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