the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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