shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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