He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
