a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
