Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you would pick up someone in the library
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
