I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize