Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
