You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
