i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
