new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
