She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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