I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
