I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
