It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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