when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
