I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
