somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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