i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
