Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
