How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm always down for nudity.
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