I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
