around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
