I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
