I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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