I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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