Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
