this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
