i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
