Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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