Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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