dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
