I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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