You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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