You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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