Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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