I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
