I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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