Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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