do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
