i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
