So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
