Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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