It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
