we have officially lost it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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