My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
