He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
