i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
