I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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