Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't turn off my feet"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
