It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sext me about skeletons
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
