wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize