Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize