I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
