Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
