I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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