So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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