we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
