Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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