someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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