I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
