I think my vagina is haunted
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
