Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize