then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
