I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
