he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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