Nicole vs. Life
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
