I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
