rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
