There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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