The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
