She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
