T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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