The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
