you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
