it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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