He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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