She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The air was thick with penises
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
