Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What a dumb baby whore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
