When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
