i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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