put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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