Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
