So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
