I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
