At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
