So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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