just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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