The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
