Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
