I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
